Every relationship goes through a sexual drought at some point. Whether it’s the stress of a new job, raising kids, or dealing with a long-distance situation, life just sort of… gets in the way. Of course, going through a rough patch is different from being in a loveless marriage. Over time, some couples become completely disengaged with each other – physically, emotionally, and romantically. You’re just going through the motions, essentially living as roommates instead of partners.
Whether you’ve found yourself in a rough patch or loveless marriage, there are a few steps you can take to get things back on track – that is, if you want to. Sometimes, when a relationship fizzles out and you’ve exhausted all help options, there isn’t much you can do to reignite the spark. That said, there are ways to fix what’s broken if you’re not ready to call it quits.
Here are 5 ways to help fix your sexless marriage and restore intimacy:
1. Work on Communication and Expressing Your Wants and Needs
Good communication isn’t just the key to preventing arguments – it’s also necessary to create intimacy. When you open up to your partner about what you want in (and out) of the bedroom, it tightens your bond and increases trust. If you’re uncomfortable discussing bedroom needs, it’s totally okay – tell them that! The goal is to open up about every aspect of the relationship – from sex to finances.
2. Explore Other Ways to Be Intimate
As important as it is to improve your sex life, it’s not going to happen unless you focus on all areas of intimacy – not just physical. To boost emotional intimacy, you’ll need to restore that cloud-nine feeling you had during the honeymoon phase. Communicate your feelings, work on building trust, go on dates, and show affection (kissing, hugging, holding hands, etc.). Fixing intimacy problems requires an all-or-nothing approach – you need to be connected on every level to make it work.
3. Deal With Your Underlying Problems
If you’re putting in the effort but aren’t seeing results, you might need to address the root of the problem. Whether it’s stress, mental health struggles, or differences in libido, there are underlying problems that need to be addressed. This is where a professional relationship coach can do wonders for your relationship!
4. Meeting Needs Outside of the Marriage
If you’ve exhausted all efforts to restore intimacy to no avail, you can consider a less-traditional approach. While not for everyone, polyamorous relationships (sexual encounters outside of the marriage that everyone consents to) are becoming less taboo nowadays. Of course, with this type of relationship comes the need for a lot of communication and agreements. Are you comfortable “sharing” your partner with others if it helps to satisfy their needs? Are certain people off-limits? If this is an avenue you both want to explore, it’s important to be on the same page and figure out what works best for you.
5. Know When to Move On
If you’ve tried everything and find it’s creating more animosity than intimacy, it might be time to move on. Sometimes, feelings fade and you just can’t explain it – and that’s okay. Be honest with yourself and each other. Is it time for a break? Divorce? No one wants to be stuck in a marriage when one or both of you is emotionally unavailable.
While a sexless marriage may seem like the end of the road, it doesn’t have to be. If you’re committed to improving intimacy on every level, you’ll be enjoying a marriage filled with happiness (and lots of sex) before you know it.