If you find yourself constantly Googling “how to save my marriage,” you’re not alone. Rough patches happen in any marriage (even the best ones!), but saving your marriage is 100 percent possible. As long as you’re both committed to each other and making it work, you can find ways to reconnect and get your marriage back on track.
Here are 10 tips for saving your marriage and getting things back on track:
1. Identify the Problem
Are you having the same argument over and over? Are you feeling lonely? Has there been a break in trust? Talk to each other about what has changed since you got married and how it’s impacting your relationship. (Both as a couple and individually.)
2. Make the First Move for Help
If “how to save my marriage” keeps going through your head, the best thing you can do is bring it up to your spouse. Sometimes, couples will go about daily life knowing they aren’t happy, but still avoid talking about it, which can lead to resentment. It’s okay to be the first one to bring it up!
3. Listen More, Talk Less
Active listening skills are crucial. The next time your spouse is talking, try to stop, put down the phone, make eye contact, and truly listen to what they have to say. If you don’t make the effort to understand where your spouse is coming from, you’ll never be able to resolve your issues.
4. Stop Keeping Score
Saying something like, “You never fold the laundry, I always do,” is considered “keeping score.” No matter how insignificant a comment like that may seem, it’s hurting your marriage! (And it’s bound to lead to a lot of resentment.) Remember that you’re a team, not competitors.
5. Take a Look at Your Own Actions
When it comes to saving your marriage, self-reflection is key. Be honest with yourself about which of your actions have led to problems in your marriage. (It’s not all on your spouse.)
6. Get Rid of Toxic Behaviors
What are some telltale toxic behaviors you both need to cut out of your relationship? Do your arguments always result in yelling at each other? Does one of you tend to speak to the other condescendingly? Small changes can make a huge difference, and it starts with cutting out those seemingly insignificant (yet impactful) toxic behaviors.
7. Show Effort, Even When Things Are Tough
A little effort, even on your worst days, can spark gratitude in your spouse and help improve your bond. For example, surprise them by making their favorite dinner or grab their favorite bottle of wine on the way home from work. You’ll be amazed at how much it improves your moods!
8. Find New Ways to Rekindle the Spark
Reigniting the bedroom spark is important, but so is rekindling the emotional closeness that made you fall in love. Try planning a getaway or night out, just the two of you. Recreate your honeymoon trip or first date, plan a couples retreat, or find a local city you haven’t explored and have a staycation in a hotel.
9. Be Patient
If you’re committed to sticking with your spouse for better or worse, you’ll need to power through the tough times, no matter how long it takes. Give yourselves time to work it out — it’s not going to happen overnight!
10. Talk to a Therapist
If you’re constantly searching the internet for “how to save my marriage,” a therapist might be the best option. Seeking help from a professional therapist or relationship coach is in no way a sign of failure. It shows that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage.
If you’re not sold on the idea of traditional therapy, you can consider turning to Relish, a relationship coaching app. Relish offers all the perks of traditional therapy with added convenience and flexibility. Not only are the quizzes, insights, and lessons tailored to your specific needs, but you’re also put in touch with expert relationship coaches that you can message any time of day.
Remember that going through a tough time doesn’t signal the end of your marriage! It’s natural for couples to have their ups and downs, especially if you’ve been together a long time. Marriage can be complicated, but the love you have for each other will help you overcome your struggles and move forward together.