163 Funny Quotes And Short Laughable Sayings

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Short funny quotes about life by George Carlin
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

― George Carlin

 

I could never stop myself to appreciate the short funny quotes about life and love. These funny quotes and sayings about life are always witty and convey a deep meaning in a very lively manner. They make us learn a lesson in laughter.

So let’s see how people express their experiences in a funny way.

Short funny quotes about life

First of all, we have short funny quotes about life and sayings, because short funny quotes about life and hilarious sayings are the ones that can easily be told and shared with friends anywhere.

1.

Funny photo of quotation on enemies forgiveness by Kennedy
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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

– John F. Kennedy

2.

Funny photo of hilarious quotation on success by Jimy Tomlin
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The road to success is always under construction.

– Lily Tomlin

3.

Herbert Hoover funny quotation on fish and men

All men are equal before fish.

– Herbert Hoover

4.

Funny quotation on marriage by marx

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

– Groucho Marx

5.

Funny photo of quotation on body by George Carlin

I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

– George Carlin

6.

Funny quotes on failure by George Carlin

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

– George Carlin

7.

Funny quotation on children by Erma Bombeck

Never have more children than you have car windows.

– Erma Bombeck

8.

Funny Quotes - Hilarious Love Life Sayings Phrases by Heimel

If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?

– Cynthia Heimel

9.

Funny phrase on joke by Charles De Gaulle

He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.

– Charles de Gaulle

10.

Funny quotation on gym machines by Rhea

My favourite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

– Caroline Rhea

11.

Funny saying by Jerry Seinfeld on success failure and books

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

– Jerry Seinfeld

13.

Funny saying about brain by Lawrance Ferlinghetti

If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

– Lawrence Ferlinghetti

14.

Funny shut up quotation by Will Rogers

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

– Will Rogers

15.

Funny quotation on hate by Gena Showalter

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist

– Gena Showalter

16.

Funny quotes on the words by Roald Dahl

Don’t gobblefunk around with words.

– Roald Dahl

17.

Funny quotes on money by Benjamin Franklin

A penny saved is a penny earned.

– Benjamin Franklin

18.

Funny quotes - Confucius quote on funny people

The funniest people are the saddest ones.

– Confucius

19.

Funny quotation on salary by John Barrymore

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

– John Barrymore

Hilarious Sayings and phrases by famous personalities

The following hilarious quotes and famous short funny phrases can be categorized as short funny quotes about life and sayings but I thought to put a difference between the above mentioned very short funny quotes about life and the following somehow short funny motivational quotes.

1.

If you like Mark Twain then you must read these top 71 funny quotes by Mark Twain.

Mark Twain funny quotation on age

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

– Mark Twain

2.

Neighbourhood funny quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

I came from a real tough neighbourhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.

– Rodney Dangerfield

3.

American dream funny quotes by George Carlin

That’s why they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.

– George Carlin

4.

Funny quotes - hilarious quote by Bill Cosby

A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.

– Bill Cosby

5.

Funny quotes on funerals by Yogi Berra

Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise, they won’t come to yours.

– Yogi Berra

6.

The funny quotation by Mark Twain on health books

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

– Mark Twain

7.

Funny quotes - sayings on girl by Masashi Kishimoto

She’s strong! And scary…I bet she’s single…I’d put money on it.

– Masashi Kishimoto

8.

James thurber funny quotation about women

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.

– James Thurber

9.

Funny quotes - saying on literature by Alfred Hitchcock

Puns are the highest form of literature.

– Alfred Hitchcock

10.

Paul Getty hilarious quotation on success

I’d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort.

– J. Paul Getty

11.

Funny saying on life and death by Isaac Asimov

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

– Isaac Asimov

12.

Funny saying on end of the world by Herge

Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!

– Hergé

13.

Funny quotes - Confucius quotes on funny and sad people

The funniest people are the saddest ones.

– Confucius

14.

Funny quotation on marriage by Helen Rowland

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

– Helen Rowland

15.

Funny quotes - hilarious saying on stupidity by Harlan Ellison

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

– Harlan Ellison

16.

funny quotes

If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.

– Billy Wilder

100+ short funny sayings

Here is the collection of the most popular short funny sayings and hilarious quotes about life by famous people. The hilarious phrases will make you laugh and I’m sure you won’t stop laughing. If you love these laughable quotes with eye-catching pictures then don’t forget to share with the people you want to make them laugh.

1.

Short funny sayings by George Carlin
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

― George Carlin

2.

Short Funny sayings by Phillis
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

― Phyllis Diller

3.

Short funny sayings by Ellen
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Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

― Ellen DeGeneres

4.

Short funny sayings by Golda Meir
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Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.

― Golda Meir

5.

Short funny sayings by Lauren
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I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.

― Lauren Myracle

6.

Short funny sayings by Jess c. Scott
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A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement.

― Jess C Scott

7.

Short hilarious quotes and sayings by Jess C Scott
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I felt like an animal, and animals don’t know sin, do they?

― Jess C. Scott

8.

Very short funny quotes about life by Bill Watterson

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.

― Bill Watterson

9.

Very short Hilarious sayings about women by Goucho Marx

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

― Groucho Marx

10.

Very short Quotes and sayings about idiot Jerry Lewis

I’ve had great success being a total idiot.

― Jerry Lewis

11.

Very short hilarious quotes by Bernard

Rejection is an opportunity for your selection.

― Bernard Branson

12.

Very Short funny quotes by Thomas Bernhard

Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.

― Thomas Bernhard

13.

Hilarious sayings by Richelle Mead

She says you’re not awake until you’re actually out of bed and standing up.

― Richelle Mead

Top 17 Groucho Marx funny quotes

Are you looking for top Groucho Marx funny quotes? Then the following the best ones among all of Groucho Marx funny quotes.

1.

Short funny quotes by Groucho Marx

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

― Groucho Marx

2.

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

― Groucho Marx

3.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

― Groucho Marx

4.

From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

― Groucho Marx

5.

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.

― Groucho Marx

6.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

― Groucho Marx

7.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

― Groucho Marx

8.

Humor is reason gone mad.

― Groucho Marx

9.

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

― Groucho Marx

10.

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well I have others.

― Groucho Marx

11.

I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.

― Groucho Marx

12.

If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.

― Groucho Marx

13.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

― Groucho Marx

14.

I have nothing but respect for you — and not much of that.

― Groucho Marx

15.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

― Groucho Marx

16.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

― Groucho Marx

17.

Whatever it is, I’m against it.

― Groucho Marx

Meaningful Funny Quotes By Bret Easton Ellis

1.

If you love listening to audiotapes (as I most) then you can surely understand this funny saying well.

Bret Easton Ellis short funny sayings about Tapes

I have to return some videotapes.

― Bret Easton Ellis

2.

I only had sex with her because I’m in love with you.

― Bret Easton Ellis

3.

We buy balloons, we let them go.

― Bret Easton Ellis

4.

The greed is good. Sex is easy. Youth is forever.

― Bret Easton Ellis

5.

…if you’re alone nothing bad can happen to you.

― Bret Easton Ellis

6.

Scientists peered into data and concluded that we should all be worried.

― Bret Easton Ellis

7.

There is no time for the innocent.

― Bret Easton Ellis

8.

You can’t get dyslexia from pussy.

― Bret Easton Ellis

9.

I don’t know why I write what I write.

― Bret Easton Ellis

10 Most hilarious sayings and quotes by Abraham Lincoln

When you want to get relaxed, you can’t forget the hilarious sayings of Abraham Lincoln. The following are the best short funny quotes about life by Abraham Lincoln.

1.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

– Abraham Lincoln

2.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

– Abraham Lincoln

3.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

– Abraham Lincoln

4.

Avoid popularity if you would have peace.

– Abraham Lincoln

5.

Tact: the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

– Abraham Lincoln

6.

It is not best to swap horses while crossing the river.

– Abraham Lincoln

7.

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

– Abraham Lincoln

8.

We trust, sir, that God is on our side. It is more important to know that we are on God’s side.

– Abraham Lincoln

9.

You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was.

– Abraham Lincoln

10.

Avoid popularity if you would have peace.

– Abraham Lincoln

13 funny sayings and quotations by Albert Einstien

Albert Einstien has been a decent person. So his funny quotations are also decent. But these short funny quotes about life are really hilarious. Aren’t these?

1.

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

– Albert Einstein

2.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

– Albert Einstein

3.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.

― Albert Einstein

4.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

― Albert Einstein

5.

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.

― Albert Einstein

6.

Creativity is intelligence having fun.

― Albert Einstein

7.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

― Albert Einstein

8.

Everything must be made as simple as possible. But not simpler.

― Albert Einstein

9.

Student: Dr. Einstein, Aren’t these the same questions as last year’s [physics] final exam?

Dr. Einstein: Yes; But this year the answers are different.

― Albert Einstein

10.

It is harder to crack prejudice than an atom.

― Albert Einstein

11.

An empty stomach is not a good political adviser.

― Albert Einstein

12.

When we first got married, we made a pact. It was this: In our life together, it was decided I would make all of the big decisions and my wife would make all of the little decisions. For fifty years, we have held true to that agreement. I believe that is the reason for the success in our marriage. However, the strange thing is that in fifty years, there hasn’t been one big decision.

― Albert Einstein

13.

I think 99 times and find nothing. I stop thinking, swim in silence, and the truth comes to me.

― Albert Einstein

Top 13 inspirational funny quotes by Benjamin Franklin

Although, the following quotes by Benjamin Franklin have some deep emotions but luckily these can make you laugh. Especially you might like the short funny quotes about friends and wife.

1.

Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.

– Benjamin Franklin

2.

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

– Benjamin Franklin

3.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

― Benjamin Franklin

4.

I didn’t fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

― Benjamin Franklin

5.

He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.

― Benjamin Franklin

6.

In the Affairs of this World Men are saved, not by Faith,
but by the Lack of it.

― Ben Franklin

7.

Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances.

― Benjamin Franklin

8.

If Jack’s in love, he’s no judge of Jill’s beauty.

― Benjamin Franklin

9.

Life biggest tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.

― Benjamin Franklin

10.

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girlfriends.

― Benjamin Franklin

11.

The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason.

― Benjamin Franklin

12.

Eat to live, don’t live to eat.

― Benjamin Franklin

13.

There are three faithful friends – an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

― Benjamin Franklin

Top 7 funniest quotes on life by Douglas Adams

If you’re curious to inspire yourself with short funny quotes about life. Then no doubt, the following funny quotations by Douglas Adams are far better than you can expect.

1.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

– Douglas Adams

2.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.

– Douglas Adams

3.

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

– Douglas Adams

4.

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

― Douglas Adams

5.

The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

― Douglas Adams

6.

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

― Douglas Adams

7.

Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?

― Douglas Adams

Top 14 funny jokes by Emo Philips

Emo Philips funny laughable quotes will no doubt make your day. You must share if you like these short funny quotes about life.

1.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

– Emo Philips

2.

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.

– Emo Philips

3.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

– Emo Philips

4.

I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, ‘Here, lady… take your purse.’

– Emo Philips

5.

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence… sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

– Emo Philips

6.

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

– Emo Philips

7.

Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.

– Emo Philips

8.

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics’ heads, where they are safe.

– Emo Philips

9.

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: ‘A truck!’

– Emo Philips

10.

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: ‘A truck!’

– Emo Philips

11.

You know what I hate? Indian givers… no, I take that back.

– Emo Philips

12.

I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, ‘Get off me, you two!’

– Emo Philips

13.

England is better only because I stand out there as ‘unusual’.

– Emo Philips

14.

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn’t have any, they gave you some.

– Emo Philips

Funny laughable quotes by Erma Bombeck:

Looks like the following funny laughable quotes have personal exposures reflections. Isn’t it so?

The following short funny sayings by Erma will definitely change your approach to humor. Because the quotes on humor are not that much hilarious. But have some deep emotions.

1.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

– Erma Bombeck

2.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

– Erma Bombeck

3.

When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.

― Erma Bombeck

4.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

― Erma Bombeck

5.

I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.

― Erma Bombeck

6.

Housework can kill you if done right.

― Erma Bombeck

7.

Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.

― Erma Bombeck

8.

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

― Erma Bombeck

9.

Written on her tombstone: “I told you I was sick.

― Erma Bombeck

10.

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.

― Erma Bombeck

11.

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter-productivity.

― Erma Bombeck

12.

When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.

― Erma Bombeck

Top 11 Funny motivational quotes by George Bernard Shaw

It’s a fact that motivational quotations make us strong to keep us running on the track of life. And sometimes we need some inspirations from the best quotations to change our life totally.

But here in following the short funny phrases and hilarious quotes about life, you will not only be amused but you will also get some inspiration for your journey.

George Bernard Shaw has really some different opinions about patriotism and learning. You can learn and be pleased.

1.

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.

– George Bernard Shaw

2.

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.

– George Bernard Shaw

3.

A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.

― George Bernard Shaw

4.

Animals are my friends…and I don’t eat my friends.

― George Bernard Shaw

5.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

― George Bernard Shaw

6.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.

― George Bernard Shaw

7.

The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure.

― George Bernard Shaw

8.

I’m an atheist and I thank God for it.

― George Bernard Shaw

9.

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.

― George Bernard Shaw

10.

A photographer is like a cod, which produces a million eggs in order that one may reach maturity.

― George Bernard Shaw

11.

He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.

― George Bernard Shaw

9 Short funny quotes about life by George Burns

If you’re looking for some very interesting short funny quotes on love and relationships. Then the following short funny quotes by George Burns are the most suitable ones.

1.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

– George Burns

2.

If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.

– George Burns

3.

You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.

– George Burns

4.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age, I have to hold on to something.

– George Burns

5.

I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

– George Burns

6.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

– George Burns

7.

Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.

– George Burns

8.

By the time you’re eighty years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.

– George Burns

9.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.

– George Burns

Hopefully, you have enjoyed the funniest quotes and sayings with pictures. If so, you can at least share the short funny quotes and photos with your friends and fellows.

If you really enjoyed the choice then I recommend visiting quotes on being strong with pictures or courage quotes with pictures. And if you are looking for the more humorous quotes and sayings then you can leave a comment to tell us about which topic the funny quotes you like the most?

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