Are you looking for very short funny quotes about life? Then we got some great laughable collection of very short funny quotes about life that you can share with your friends to make them laugh.
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Very short funny quotes about life by famous authors
1.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
– John F. Kennedy
2.
The road to success is always under construction.
– Lily Tomlin
3.
All men are equal before fish.
– Herbert Hoover
4.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
– Groucho Marx
5.
I’m in shape. Round is a shape.
– George Carlin
6.
If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
– George Carlin
7.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
– Erma Bombeck
8.
If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?
– Cynthia Heimel
9.
He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.
– Charles de Gaulle
10.
My favourite machine at the gym is the vending machine.
– Caroline Rhea
11.
If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
– Jerry Seinfeld
12.
If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
– Lawrence Ferlinghetti
13.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
– Will Rogers
14.
I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.
– Gena Showalter
15.
Don’t gobblefunk around with words.
– Roald Dahl
16.
A penny saved is a penny earned.
– Benjamin Franklin
17.
The funniest people are the saddest ones.
– Confucius
18.
Puns are the highest form of literature.
– Alfred Hitchcock
19.
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
― George Carlin
20.
Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.
― Ellen DeGeneres
21.
Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.
― Golda Meir
22.
When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.
― Bill Watterson
23.
I’ve had great success being a total idiot.
― Jerry Lewis
24.
Rejection is an opportunity for your selection.
― Bernard Branson
25.
Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.
― Thomas Bernhard
26.
I have to return some videotapes.
― Bret Easton Ellis
27.
Avoid popularity if you would have peace.
– Abraham Lincoln
28.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
– Abraham Lincoln
29.
Creativity is intelligence having fun.
― Albert Einstein
30.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
― Albert Einstein
31.
An empty stomach is not a good political adviser.
― Albert Einstein
32.
I don’t like morning people… or mornings, or people.
― Anonymous
33.
If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
– Yogi Berra
34.
If you’re going through hell, keep going.
– Winston Churchill
35.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
– W. C. Fields
36.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
– Steven Wright
37.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
– Robin Williams
38.
I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.
– Robin Williams
39.
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
– Robert Frost
40.
If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.
– Rob Cordry
41.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
– R. D. Laing
42.
Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
– Oscar Wilde
43.
I can resist everything except temptation.
– Oscar Wilde
44.
Man has his will, but a woman has her way.
– Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
45.
If you must make a noise, make it quietly.
– Oliver Hardy
46.
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
– Oliver Goldsmith
47.
God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.
– Naguib Mahfouz
48.
Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.
– Mark Twain
49.
I am only human, although I regret it.
– Mark Twain
50.
I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me.
– Marc Maron
51.
Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
– Katharine Hepburn
52.
Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
– John Wayne
53.
Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
– Jim Davis
54.
Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories.
– Jessica Simpson
55.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
– George Carlin
56.
I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.
– Colonel Sanders
57.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
– Charlie Chaplin
58.
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
– Bill Maher
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