Top 58 Very Short Funny Quotes About Life

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Are you looking for very short funny quotes about life? Then we got some great laughable collection of very short funny quotes about life that you can share with your friends to make them laugh.

Very short funny quotes about life by famous authors

1.

very short funny quotes about life by John F. Kennedy
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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

– John F. Kennedy

2.

very short funny quotes about life by LIly Tomlin
very short funny quotes about life – Image #2

The road to success is always under construction.

– Lily Tomlin

3.

very short funny quotes about life by Herbert Hoover
very short funny quotes about life – Image #3

All men are equal before fish.

– Herbert Hoover

4.

very short funny quotes about marriage by Groucho Marx
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

– Groucho Marx

5.

very short funny quotes about round shape fitness by George Carlim
very short funny quotes about life – Image #5

I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

– George Carlin

6.

very short funny quotes about failure and success by George Carlin

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

– George Carlin

7.

very short funny quotes about children by Erma Bombeck

Never have more children than you have car windows.

– Erma Bombeck

8.

very short funny quotes about love by Cynthia Heimel

If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?

– Cynthia Heimel

9.

very short funny quotes about joke by Charles de Gaulle

He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.

– Charles de Gaulle

10.

very short funny quotes about vending machine by Caroline Rhea

My favourite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

– Caroline Rhea

11.

very short funny quotes about selling books by Jerry Seinfeld

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

– Jerry Seinfeld

12.

very short funny quotes about being open minded by Lawrence Ferlinghetti

If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

– Lawrence Ferlinghetti

13.

very short funny quotes about being shut up by Will Rogers

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

– Will Rogers

14.

very short funny quotes about hate by Gena Showalter

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

– Gena Showalter

15.

very short funny quotes about words by Roald Dahl

Don’t gobblefunk around with words.

– Roald Dahl

16.

very short funny quotes about saving money in life by Benjamin Franklin

A penny saved is a penny earned.

– Benjamin Franklin

17.

very short funny quotes about sadness in life by Confucius

The funniest people are the saddest ones.

– Confucius

18.

very short funny quotes about puns and literature by Alfred Hitchcock

Puns are the highest form of literature.

– Alfred Hitchcock

19.

very short funny quotes about people by George Carlin

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

― George Carlin

20.

very short funny quotes about being serial killer by Ellen

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

― Ellen DeGeneres

21.

very short funny quotes about being humble in life by Golda Meir

Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.

― Golda Meir

22.

very short funny quotes about life by Bill Watterson

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.

― Bill Watterson

23.

very short funny quotes about being idiot by Jerry Lewis

I’ve had great success being a total idiot.

― Jerry Lewis

24.

very short funny quotes about rejection by Bernard Branson

Rejection is an opportunity for your selection.

― Bernard Branson

25.

very short funny quotes about work by Thomas Bernhard

Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.

― Thomas Bernhard

26.

very short funny quotes about videotapes by Bret Easton Ellis

I have to return some videotapes.

― Bret Easton Ellis

27.

Avoid popularity if you would have peace.

– Abraham Lincoln

28.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

– Abraham Lincoln

29.

Creativity is intelligence having fun.

― Albert Einstein

30.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

― Albert Einstein

31.

An empty stomach is not a good political adviser.

― Albert Einstein

32.

I don’t like morning people… or mornings, or people.

― Anonymous

33.

If you come to a fork in the road, take it.

– Yogi Berra

34.

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

– Winston Churchill

35.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

– W. C. Fields

36.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

– Steven Wright

37.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

– Robin Williams

38.

I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.

– Robin Williams

39.

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

– Robert Frost

40.

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

– Rob Cordry

41.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

– R. D. Laing

42.

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.

– Oscar Wilde

43.

I can resist everything except temptation.

– Oscar Wilde

44.

Man has his will, but a woman has her way.

– Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

45.

If you must make a noise, make it quietly.

– Oliver Hardy

46.

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.

– Oliver Goldsmith

47.

God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.

– Naguib Mahfouz

48.

Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.

– Mark Twain

49.

I am only human, although I regret it.

– Mark Twain

50.

I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me.

– Marc Maron

51.

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

– Katharine Hepburn

52.

Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.

– John Wayne

53.

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.

– Jim Davis

54.

Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories.

– Jessica Simpson

55.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

– George Carlin

56.

I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.

– Colonel Sanders

57.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

– Charlie Chaplin

58.

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

– Bill Maher

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