Facebook is a platform where you can start earning more than $500 by spending about an hour each day without any investment. It is no longer a secret to be unfolded, but with a sensible approach and some hard work it can become a very reliable source of income.
Facebook has over a billion users thus making it one of the most popular social networks to be used to promote any business or service.
How to Earn money from Facebook?
The following steps will come in handy if you want to learn to earn money using Facebook.
Boost your brand name and create sales with the help of Facebook marketing to achieve unprecedented growth for your business.
1. Create an Eye-catching Facebook Profile
Ensure that your profile picture, cover image and your detailed information section is properly made. With a professional profile picture and a complete ‘about’ section gives people credibility to round up your personality.
When someone knows and trusts you they are willing to hear about your business and give ‘Likes’ very generously. Create a fan page about your interests too like travelling or reading etc.
2. Post Publicity on Facebook
Your aim is to inform your friends about your business or service that you provide.
Let them know how you can help them through your business. Your punch line should be attractive enough to appeal to people. Let your account build up an audience over time by providing new and relevant content almost every day.
3. Make Proper Use of Facebook Messenger
This is even better than an email. If you have already conversed with a prospect and want to talk again on the issue, you can do so by reviewing your previous conversation. Whenever you speak to a friend make sure that you re-establish your friendship first as you would not like them to feel that you are reaching out to them only for business purposes.
Chat about your products or services only if asked. You could even find an affiliate program or some other link type program for advertising as they pay you a commission based on the business you generate. Examples are Amazon affiliate program or Apple’s iTunes program.
4. Send Messages Based on Previous Conversations
In case of a realtor, you can keep sending them details of different homes keeping their requirements in mind. This will help to keep you in their memory. Keep the conversation going by responding to their queries if any. If they respond, you can thank them for their response and send additional information like videos, pictures and other details
5. Increase the number of friends if you want to make money on Facebook
Facebook’s Graph Search enables you to open their entire database so it is up to you to spend some time to build relationships. With over a billion users Facebook offers an unlimited amount of people to connect with you.
Be aggressive and simply keep adding people as friends as often as possible. Some will accept while others will not.
6. Keep in Touch
You stay in touch on Facebook by interacting with your friend’s post and posting quality content on yours. It is just a matter of time before friends start asking for your products.
Make sure that you balance between posting quality content that is personal and business as failure to balance will result in failure to impress your friends.
The right option is to have 80% personal posts with 20% business posts. When you interact with your friend’s post, your business feeds automatically appear in their newsfeed giving the impression that you are not just marketing your product but interacting like a true friend. This will definitely help to make money on Facebook.
7. Create Groups for Inspiration and Support
Start a group on Facebook and post one everyday or make it at least five times a week. It could be anything from a question, picture, video or simply some words of motivation. Like or give comments on your friend’s posts too. You can just do about anything in groups as they are like live events happening all day. You can make good money on Facebook if you manage and motivate a group the right way.
8. Commit Yourself to Earn on Facebook
Persistent hard work is the only way to make money on Facebook. Organize yourself and plan a schedule and stick to it. It is more of a number game since marketing on Facebook costs nothing but your time. You could market to your heart’s content and see the statistics and percentages work beginning with just a penny at a time.
If you already are making money with Facebook then let us which techniques do you prefer and how you maximize your sales. Speak your mind in the opinion box.
Improving your lifestyle does not have to be a big change all at once. Instead, you can make a few small changes that you constantly work on.
While you may not have a lot of time on your hands, taking less than an hour a day to improve your life can make a big difference in your outlook.
Try giving one or all of the following tasks a try and see if you become a better you.
1. Be Mindful
With all the yoga crazed people out there, you are probably sick of hearing that you should try meditation.
However, mindfulness is a lot more down to earth than meditation and is something you can do while sitting in your chair at work.
It is also something that does not take a large amount of time. Try looking up different ways you can be mindful throughout the day.
Bill Gates said on his blog that meditation helped him improve his focus and work more efficiently.
2. Develop a Morning Routine
One of the best ways to be productive is to know exactly what you are going to do all day when you wake up.
In other words, you should schedule every activity you plan to do in the morning. While this may sound overwhelming, it works because it eliminates the time you spend deciding on what to do.
Brian Tracy has said in his book “Eat That Frog” that spending 12 minutes planning your day saves 120 minutes a day.
Because now you know what you are going to do every morning and how much time you have so you can get out of the house on time.
3. Develop a Bedtime Routine
Your happy mornings start with a great bedtime routine. While there is no perfect routine that works for everyone, you must find something that works for you and stick to it. For instance, every evening you could take a shower, meal prep for the next day, and do something that relaxes you.
You may not be able to stick to this every single night, but having a generally consistent routine can help you fall asleep so you can recharge and be ready for the next day.
4. Quit Smoking
Whether you purchase tobacco-free alternatives from www.smokingthings.com or quit cold turkey, stopping smoking can be a great change in your life. Changing habits like this can help you improve your lifestyle, feel better about yourself, and have more energy.
Try out some of these tasks to see if you can start developing better lifestyle habits. With only a few small changes, you can be on your way to feeling happier and healthier.
Develop a habit of reading
All the billionaires like Warren Buffett have reading habits. Warren Buffett spends 5 to 6 hours reading newspapers and other stuff.
And Bill Gates loves reading books, he reads almost 50 books a year.
How much do you?
The majority of people don’t read even a single book a year (except their curriculums).
So if you want to improve your lifestyle then it’s a must to develop reading habits. Spend more time improving your mental approach and it will reward you by all means.
I was not born rich but learned to be the one- I was not born successful and competent. I had an ordinary life with a lot of excuses as most people have. That’s why I can better understand why most people do not succeed in life but a few get succeeded.
Trust me or not, there is no role of luck and there is no rocket science behind the success. I use to believe that it’s a step by step journey.
Those who possess the success factors and follow the right steps required in success are always successful in their lives. And the rest of the people – I mean majority – never feel the pleasure of success. They never acquaint with success.
There are a few reasons that are hindering people from achieving any life goals. Let’s discuss the reasons that are the main constraints of a successful journey and that cause failure.
Top reasons for not succeeding in life:
I’m a part of this society, I’m a person like you and I have deeply observed these reasons that don’t let people achieve their life purposes. The main reasons that I have observed behind failures are as follows.
The wrong track
Environment
Attachments
Programming
Expertise
#1. The wrong track
First of all, let me know what do you want to do in your life? Did you find the life goal that will make you satisfied with your life? Because it’s also an issue with most of the unsuccessful people that they don’t know what they want to do with their life. Now let’s say, you have found your life goals using the practical method to find life goals.
Now, just imagine are you doing the right things? Just keep the goal in mind and imagine the way by which it can be achieved. Are you on the right track? Do you find yourself struggling to achieve that lifestyle?
Probably not.
In most cases, as I observed, people don’t priorities the right things. People have a list of excuses that I have a family, I have a job, I don’t have the right set of skills, I don’t have money. But the truth is, there is no such truth like that. If you’re committed to achieving something you will find all the possible ways to achieve that goal.
How to avoid it?
When you’re committed to change your life and you’re clear about living the life that you dream for.
The only solution to this problem is to travel on the right track. You may have a family, you have problems in your life. It’s not important. Jim Rohn has said, everyone has problems the important thing is how you deal with the problems.
So, whatever your issues are, you must learn to prioritize things and save time for your dreams.
#2. Environment
Man is the creation of an environment. The environment has a great impact on our lives. People from different regions have different attitudes. It’s because of their environments.
In most of the cases, the environment doesn’t allow people to succeed in their lives. Look, no environment is bad but the thing is, either your environment allows you to achieve your dream or not?
If it’s suitable, that’s great – but if it’s not – you must change it.
#3. Attachments
Your attachments have a great impact on your life. If you’re not surrounded by the right people – the motivated people – you’re not gonna succeed.
In research, it was found that we have a great influence on the 5 people we spend most of the time with.
It means the 5 people with whom you discuss your financial matters has a great impact on your financial life. So if they aren’t committed and well educated, you won’t be anymore.
How to avoid it?
The simple answer is to change your attachments. It doesn’t matter how close people are with you. If they are not the right persons that can assist in your financial, personal, or relationship goals, then at least don’t discuss the matter with them.
For example, never discuss your relationship issues with a guy who has already been broken in a relationship.
#4. Programming
Dr Bruce Lipton has said that our 95% of life comes from our unconscious programming. As we are programmed in our learning time up to the early 7 years of our life. It means whatever we are told in the first 7 years of our life, we are gonna live that life till the end.
But the problem is, according to Simon Sinek, our parents don’t have parenting skills.
We are not taught what we must be taught at an early age. Because an early age can better decide our future.
After that, as Robert Kiyosaki has said the schooling system “a scam”, we come to the school, where we are well trained to get a job and pay for the bills. We are not told how we can find the life goals that won’t let us regret at the deathbed. That’s all our programming.
How can you expect that in such a situation, one can ever think of self-satisfaction and self-education?
How to avoid it?
Luckily, you thought about it – and fortunately, you can reprogram your mind to live a life that you want to. Dr Bruce Lipton has a special video on reprogramming your unconscious.
It’s a truth that whatever we tell ourselves our mind tries to make it happen. That’s your negative words that have a great impact on your life. So, when you want to reprogram your mind then you will need to visualise yourself at a position wherever you want to see yourself. Do it on a daily basis and believe in it. It will help you change the negative mindset that’s not allowing you to succeed in life.
#5. Expertise
I strongly believe that it’s one of the most common reasons for all of the unsuccessful people. People fail because they lack expertise in their fields. They even don’t want to learn it.
For example, which field do you want to improve in life? Let’s say – its relationships. You want to beautify your relationship with your spouse or someone else. Right?
What if I ask you to learn it on your own? No Christlike will come to improve your relationships. How are you feeling now? Are you passionate to learn it?
Then you’re lucky.
Because the majority of the people who have suffered failures a lot are those who don’t even want to learn from the mistakes. They are waiting for someone who will change their lives. And it will never happen.
How to avoid it?
First of all, decide what do you want to do. Where do you want to succeed? Then you must believe that only you can change your situation and it’s you behind your deprivations. If you won’t accept it – you won’t take the responsibility, it means you’re not gonna succeed.
After that, imagine the track you’re gonna chose to achieve that specific goal. What skills do you need to learn? From whom you should learn? How will you implement your learnings? What mistakes you were making and how you won’t again?
Be very clear about everything. And after that stick to your goals. Learn to improve your focus so that nothing could stop you from succeeding. And after that, no one could stop you from succeeding.
By the way, what has been the reason behind your failures? You once faced. Don’t hesitate to share because every success story has a failure story as well. Even someone who is succeeding today must have a failure story as well. What about you?
It’s a modern era, now people can become famous all over the world. No matter where do you live and what do you do. If you want to become famous on YouTube then you just need a smartphone, and an internet connection and some accurate information about becoming famous.
I’m sure you must have a smartphone and an internet connection – now you just need to know how to become famous on YouTube or to become famous on Instagram so that you could become famous all over the world.
Now a question may arouse in the mind that when each and every information is available on the internet for everyone then why not everyone becomes successful? Let’s say someone had a wish to become a YouTube celebrity than why someone won’t become a celebrity?
The answer is simple, those who have information but don’t have a mentor don’t succeed in their lives. So I will try to tell you everything that you may need to learn while you’re trying to be famous on YouTube.
Here are the steps you need to follow to become famous on Youtube.
Step #1. Find your natural talent
Although it may come in the mind that when someone wants to become famous on Youtube why it’s important to find the talent? Can’t someone become famous without talent?
Surely its possible to become famous without a talent but that success is temporary so it’s the most important step to achieve anything in life. People love you because of your expertise and if you don’t know your expertise then you can simply find your passion and purpose in life because it’s the thing with whom people will recognize you.
You see that people are famous with some talent, they can be coach, artist, humourous or something else. But every successful person has some talent. Even if you think that you have some information to share with people, and you can guide them, surely you can make informational videos.
Step #2. Be and stay specific
It’s also the other important step to become famous. You should be specific about your channel. If you want to introduce yourself as a singer, then you shouldn’t start coaching people on the same channel.
So it’s important to set goals about your channel. In which field you want to become famous and how much time will you spend on it. How many videos will you create? And how will you interact with your audience? Everything should be clear if you’re serious about your channel.
Step #3. Create quality videos
It’s possible that you see some people who have thousands of video views (even it can be million+) but still you didn’t like the video. And there is someone who’s videos are lovable and have millions of views.
Whom would you prefer to follow? And why the first one got so many views?
Actually, youtube is a search engine now. People want to extract knowledge and that’s why if someone has accurate information then people will listen to him even the video wasn’t attractive. I have found too many such videos available on YouTube.
On the other hand, there are people who are making attractive videos and they have accurate data, those become famous on YouTube. More and more people love to follow them.
What did you learn to from this example?
If you want to become famous on YouTube, then surely, you should be careful about the quality of the video and the accuracy of the information (if applicable).
If you have a vlog for making parodies then surely you’re only asked to provide to an attractive video but not information.
It may come in your mind that, as I’m not an expert in making videos or I’m not good at video editing.
What should I do?
If this is so then you can either hire someone to make videos for you or you can learn video editing and start making videos. If you learn on your own don’t worry too much about the video quality because if you will wait until you make a perfect video – you won’t even start it.
I have noticed that funny videos go viral sooner. So you can try them in your own niche.
Step #4. Be active
Becoming famous on youtube is not so much easy now. The trend has changed now. Even celebrities have to respond to their fans. People don’t like dead accounts. You need to become be active if you want to get fame. That’s why becoming active is one of the key steps to success.
Step #5. Be consistent
Consistency is the secret of success. If you’re not consistent then you will become famous nowhere. Even YouTube likes consistent accounts. If you’re uploading videos with consistency and your videos are optimized then surely youtube will start ranking your videos sooner.
Step #6. YouTube SEO
It’s not just about making videos and uploading them on YouTube. There is something else that you should keep in mind about a YouTube video editor. That’s YouTube SEO.
In video SEO you optimize your videos so that your videos start appearing in YouTube search results. I strongly recommend to learn it somewhere on YouTube or read a guide for it. Although here are some basic points that you should keep in mind.
#1. Keyword research
It’s the most important step in SEO. You should be clear about your keywords on which you will work. Because you’re gonna use them everywhere in the video SEO.
#2. Optimize channel
Your Channel is the place where your videos will be available. So it’s essential to optimize your channel. If you’re not a brand then you should give your channel a name relevant to your niche. And add a welcoming video on the channel so that you could convince people to subscribe to your channel.
#3. Video name
As you make a video. And you name it as “VID-123.mp4” no one will get the idea what is this about. But you replace with the keyword on which the whole video is based on, it will become easier for everyone to guess what in the video will be.
So is the case with search engines. It’s far better to add your keyword in the video name.
#4. YouTube title
While uploading a video on YouTube, first of all, you give it a unique title. Try to use the keyword at the beginning of the title. Its also recommended keeping the title of 5-6 words long. Although you can keep it up to 60 characters (so that they could also appear in other search engines as well. Google shows only 60 characters).
#5. YouTube description
It’s recommended to add a transcript of your video in the description. Also, use your keyword with keyword density as 1-2%.
Its also recommended using the keyword in the video so that search engines will get an idea of what is this all about but if it’s not possible for your niche then it’s fine. Maybe, you’re making funny videos then you may not need it that much.
#6. YouTube tags
It’s also important to use relevant tags for your video. You can use the VidIQ app for this purpose.
#7. Share YouTube videos
Neil Patel has researched that the first 48 hours of your video are important. If you get more views in the first 48 hours then the chances are higher to rank in YouTube search results. So share it with your people as much as you can.
#8. Get data about your audience
When your videos are public you will get data about the videos. You should try to notice what kind of videos have good responses and from where most of the audience is?
Because after knowing the region of your audience, you will sooner get when they are on YouTube most of the times. This time will be your ideal time to publish your videos. Because you will get more views as you publish it and hence more chances to rank.
All of these steps we discussed are essential steps to becoming famous on YouTube. If you follow them appropriately then surely you will see the results on your own.
And here, let us discover the secret of how could one achieve his specific life goal.
Importance of achieving one’s life goal:
It’s my personal opinion that everyone should be successful in life.
So you have to achieve your goals of life to live successfully. It will give a direction to your life. It provides a line of action for you and owes a meaning to your life.
This meaningful life, in other words, is called a successful life.
How can one achieve a life goal?
I strongly believe that, at least, in this era, having a successful life and achieving life goals isn’t a big deal; even for something like an MBA in Accounting.
You can achieve life goals if you have little sense of how to achieve your life goals.
Believe me, it’s not a difficult job; it’s a simple track to follow. It’s a fact that we have a lot of opportunities and we can accomplish any goal, we set for our selves. Trust me I’m not kidding.
Either you want to make huge money, or wanna some online business, or you have any other big dream, yes you definitely can. You just need to follow few simple steps to be successful in your life.
I have experienced a few simpler steps to achieve any life goals that will literally change your approach and perceptions.
I have already discussed the key steps in success in one of my previous articles. Just follow and live a successful life according to your dreams.
Develop a positive approach; think Big:
Also, I have experienced some of the biggest mistakes of a life that will always strive to push you back. And the most important thing is that all of these are our own internal vapourous thoughts or misconceptions.
I also felt that most of the people never ever think big or beyond their own average boundaries.
It’s our belief system that creates hurdles in our life and doesn’t let us go beyond our own limitations.
Anthony Robbins has said in his book “Awaken the giant within” that whatever we do under our own belief system. We are limited to our belief system; we follow that system for our whole life. And this belief system gets stronger with life; as we grow older as it gets rigid.
I have felt that it’s harder to change the belief system as it becomes rigid with time. Probably, you can’t teach the old dog new tricks. But I don’t believe that the believe system can’t be changed. It can be if the person is willing to change it himself. We can’t force a new system to any person unless he is interested in his own.
I believe that as we follow our belief system, we use to love it. And whatever we believe we get a lot of pillars that help our belief system stand – longer, harder and stronger. As the system gets stronger, we don’t want to doubt it, we don’t want to change it anymore.
There are two main reasons that I think, people love this rigidity.
The first reason is that a common man is always looking for a stable and simpler life. That’s why he is always looking for much harder rules to follow.
The other reason is that a common man is not curious about new things. That’s why he doesn’t want to doubt the previous ones.
While talking about the belief system, we have a big example of a religious system. We see that normal people only see their own belief system as the right one. They don’t wanna question their system.
This rule is applicable in routine life as well.
It’s fact that whatever we do we do under our own belief system. So the beliefs set our possibilities and impossibilities.
For example, the things that you believe you can’t do in your life, you have seen those impossibilities in others lives.
Especially, the meters in which you see people getting failed a couple of times, we consider the matters as impossibilities.
As it was believed according to vital force theory that organic compounds can’t be synthesized in laboratories, until someone manufactured it by chance, no one could succeed synthesizing the organic compounds in laboratories.
We can have a lot of examples, by which we come to know that whatever we believe as impossibilities are restrictions of our belief system.
So all we need is to develop a positive approach. An approach from “impossible” to “certainly it could be“. It will provide you with the required energy to chase your goal.
Choose the right track:
Research shows that about 92 percent of the people who dream can never get their goals and 50 percent of them were those who had no courage to work on their goals and the rest of the people did not have the right track.
Suppose you’re trying to make some money online, but you couldn’t succeed. You just failed and wasted your time. You will believe that it’s wastage of time or money to invest online.
After that, if someday you met people who had established their business online, and you found that you were not working the right way. You will realize that through a lack of knowledge you have not made that right choices in-order to be successful, seeking the advice of a financial advisor Perth on how to invest and use you money is a good start to overcome this.
Same is the case with most people.
I strongly believe that it’s another mistake we make that not let us be successful and achieving life goals. We don’t choose the appropriate ways and means.
And if we aren’t on the right track, how can we reach our destination?
So, in short, if you believe in your dreams and find the right way then it’s simply easier to achieve any of your life goals.
Focus on your goal:
When you find your own unique life goal, just focus on it. Your focus has a huge impact on your achievements. The better the focus the better the performance.
It’s a fact that all of the dreams you have aren’t your life goals. They can be temporary inspirations and most probably distractions.
So it’s necessary to find out what exactly your life goal is and then remain stick to it devotedly. Your pertinent efforts and steadily devotion will pave your ways to success.
So, it’s necessary to focus on your goal to be successful in life.
If we look at my exposures, I can assure you that as you will find your life goals and the way that can lead you to your destination, you will start watching yourself as successful in the near future.
Let’s examine an example, you know there are too many students who graduate every year. Are all of them satisfied and successful?
No, not all of them.
But the students who enumerate their destination to be a doctor or any other specific field, how many of them are unsuccessful?
Probably very few.
Both of the categories were studying and graduating, but the one who had predetermined their destination and converged their energies to achieve their targets, it was satisfying at the end and mostly from the other category got nothing but disappointment.
Visualize your goals:
So, now hopefully, you’re able to question yourself what exactly do you want from your life. If you have answered the question, now, can you visualize your dream?
Visualizing simply certifies that your belief system accepts your goals. Your goals are at least realistic to you.
Suppose, you have a dream to make a million dollars from your business, can you visualize your dream to be realistic? Can you achieve your goal?
If it’s yes, then it’s clear that you have at least guts to accomplish your dream.
And if you doubt yourself that maybe you will or maybe you won’t, then you’re sticking yourself from the zero points. That will bring you back or at least will make your way clear to give yourself an excuse and go back.
In the end, you will clear yourself with a strong excuse but the excuses have no value in successful people.
Search out Your potentials:
It’s essential to ask whatever you want to do, how will you do it? Do you have the related skills and required abilities to do that? Do you know how others became successful in your field?
For example, if you want to run a business, you can raise some questions to search out your potential.
Do you have necessities of your business?
Do you have the exact amount of money required?
Do you have experts in the field?
Did you find the right location?
How will you make your products better from others?
How will you build loyal customers?
If you can answer the questions, then it’s time to start your journey. Otherwise, make yourself ready for failures.
Choose an appropriate time for action:
I have seen too many people who gave up because they got disappointed too early. They didn’t have an idea of the time required.
It’s also essential to let things happen on time.
You shouldn’t be in a hurry to make things happen. None of the rules of nature will change for you. You have to wait for your turn.
For example, you have started a website and you want to get organic traffic to your blog.
You are doing SEO of your website, it will definitely take months to years to get some handsome traffic to your website.
There is no magic to real achievements.
So, you have to wait for the right time. Otherwise, you will get disappointed and will leave your goal unachieved.
Set small goals to your dream:
Its always time taking to attain the final destiny. To keep yourself motivated and passionate, you must set short goals.
It’s inevitable to turn your life goal into small achievable doable goals. And make each of the steps time-bound.
For example, you have a goal to lose 20 pounds in weight. You should turn your goal into 20 steps having each one pound. You should acquaint with the time when you will lose your first pound. So the others will follow.
Definitely, all of us need the motivation to be strong to accomplish goals, and the motivation that we get from achievements is matchless.
As you see yourself achieving your small goals and coming near to your life goals, you feel complete each day.
Make your goals realistic and measurable:
All of the dreams we have, all of them have reasons. We dream to feel fulfilled and satisfied.
As I dream for my own fulfillment, so you do for yours. And if you really want to feel fulfilled you should keep your dreams measurable.
For example, you might have a dream to be rich. So, you want to make money somehow. The important question to the dream is how much?
Apparently, there is nothing valuable in deciding the exact amount of your dream, but it has great significance in achieving your goals.
People feel more confident if they have realistic and measurable dreams. If you don’t set the exact amount you wanna make, you will not get the fulfillment for which you are struggling.
As you will get the money you will think of more and that more will never end.
So, it’s better to make your dreams measurable so that you would feel confident to achieve your life goals.
Final Thoughts:
Through the above discussion; I am sure you will find the secrets to achieve your life goals.
It’s always hard to achieve something valuable. Yet adopting the qualities can make you achieve it somewhat easily.
I opine that if you find your own unique goal that you can visualize and is measurable, and you’re passionate to struggle for the dream, its the only way to achieve your life goals and be satisfied at the end.
I hope you will share the way how did you get your life goal and what secrets you found in the way of your struggle?
Do you know all the successful people are clear about their life goals? In fact, it’s the main reason that most of the people are dissatisfied & never succeeded in their lives. It means finding your life objective can not only make you successful in life but also gives you an ultimate comfort.
Is that really so much difficult to find a goal & purpose in life? Because why majority of the people never met their lives objectives?
No.
It’s not that much difficult to find your passion & purpose in life but the thing is, people never try it. Otherwise, whoever tries to find life purpose, they always meet their objectives.
At least I lay too much stress on finding your passion & purpose in life just because I have observed its significance in my own life. I know what does a purposeful life really means.
I can’t forget the moments which I spent on anxieties and incompleteness.
Since those moments I found and struggled for my own life goals, I started feeling complete.
After discovering your purpose, you get rid of the chaos. Because it’s a great blessing to be fulfilled with peace and satisfaction.
I myself experienced the difference between both states.
I don’t think I’m saying something extraordinary. All the successful people and motivational speakers always insist to do what you wish to do. Because your mental satisfaction is the only thing that won’t let you regret on the deathbed.
If you spend some time reading or listening to motivational writer & speakers, you will sooner realize that all of them want you find your life purposes.
Why is this so? Do you know the reason?
Actually, most of the people in this world spend their whole lives to make others happy. They have a strong feeling of what others will say! And when they come to the deathbed, it becomes their biggest regret.
Not to be what they always wished to be is one of the regrets people suffer the most.
So, those who know the value of being what they want to be, to do things that were their own desires and wishes, they not only do their best but also convince others not to waste their lives and regret at the end.
That’s why it’s our topic today, that how we can do which will help us spend a great life.
How can we trace out the goals by attaining which, we will feel complete and fulfilled?
Most of us even don’t know what they want to do, and it’s really harder for them to figure out what they want to do. Because we have too many distractions in our lives. The biggest reason for the distraction is the lack of focus. We even not know how to focus better to get rid of distractions. We consider everything our life goals and passion. We want to make everything happen.
That’s why we can’t be specific to our real passion and purpose in life.
We don’t want to lose any of them and hence we don’t be best in any of them.
People who want to do all the things simultaneously, become a jack of all but master of none.
Finding your passion & purpose in life
What a life purpose really means?
According to TakingCharge, life purpose meaning is,
Your life purpose consists of the central motivating aims of your life—the reasons you get up in the morning.
It means discovering your purpose in life will cause self-motivation that won’t let you stop at any cost.
Come with me, let’s find out the life goal that will let you feel complete and happy in all of your life and will never let you regret at the dying. Because, according to the definition of success, success is only being the best of what you already are – which you may not know.
Otherwise, I had felt an emptiness in my life, maybe, you too feel that emptiness.
Let’s complete that emptiness and the only way to complete that emptiness is to follow your heart.
Is it ever late to finding your passion & purpose in life?
It’s often said that it’s too late to be what you want to be. I really don’t believe so. It’s not late at any age.
Whenever you find your life passion; its the exact time to achieve it.
Suppose, you were 30 and you were still pondering what is my life’s purpose but couldn’t get the answer. Now something changed your approach and you really want to know God’s plan for your life.
Some questions may appear in your mind.
Have you wasted your time?
Should you really strive for finding your passion & purpose in life?
Will it be effective?
Will you really be able to achieve your life goal and purpose?
The answer to all these questions is a big Yes. You should definitely start your journey.
No doubt, you have learned a lot of things in your previous 30 years that may prove useful to achieve your life goal.
I want to give you an example to elaborate and make it much more clear for you.
If in your previous life you may have helped your friends and fellows by counseling and giving them a better approach without any reward. Then it’s possible that you want to become a counselor and it will be your life goal.
You may become a matchless expert in your field. As you will study books on counseling and you have real examples of people and their solutions, you’re in a better position to help and assist people.
It means that it’s never too late.
You should chase your goal without thinking about the time that has gone. It was not wastage. It renders you the necessary experience to win the destiny.
Now let’s start discovering your purpose in life, that will make you feel happy, peaceful and successful in your life.
Steps to finding your passion and purpose in life
There are many possible steps to finding your passion & purpose in life. But I will only tell the steps that I have experienced in my life and that actually work in common.
So if you really want to figure out your life purpose then you should go with me step by step. Because these steps will only work when you have free time to think about your goals and yourself.
Step 1: Make a list of your goals and wishes.
It’s the first step that helps you to understand yourself. It will assist you to acquaint with your goals and make you assess your life goals and temporary wishes.
You may have a lot of wishes. Write down all of them. All of these are not your life goals or purposes.
Most of them temporary wishes.
I can give some wishes that a person may have. It will help you find out yours.
You want to improve yourself – your approach and status.
These are purposes or goals that most people have in common. But it’s possible that your list is a bit different and a huge one.
Step 2: Find out the reason behind your dreams.
Anthony Robbins in his book has said,
Everything we do, we do for a reason.
That’s why you must have some reasons for your wishes and purposes.
It’s essential to find out the reasons behind your wishes. Because it will help you to understand and find a purpose in that will make you happy and successful.
Let me help you find out the reasons.
Some common reasons behind a few dreams may be as follows:
If you want to buy a big house or a luxurious car, the reasons may be the following.
Reason #1: It’s believed that people who possess a lot of money, are successful. So, you want to be one of such successful persons.
Reason #2: It’s possible that you live among wealthy people, and you feel deprived of money. So you want to get rid of this inferiority complex.
Reason #3: It’s possible that you want to do all for your children.
If You want to be famous, the reasons behind may be the following.
Reason #1: We all want fame and the major reason is a sensual pleasure.
Reason #2: You want fame to collect money.
If you want to become a doctor, the possible reasons are:
Reason #1: Doctors are considered as successful and are valued.
Reason #2: Your parents want you to become a doctor.
In the same way, you can find all the reasons behind your purposes in life you have.
It’s possible that some reasons will be mean but you should write all of them, no matter how bad they are. When you realize the reasons behind whatever you want to do, It will be much easier to motivate your self.
You will be now able to get rid of the goals and dreams that are just because of reactions and temporary inspirations.
You should be able now to sort out how many dreams and desires are there, which you want to do for yourself and not for others.
Cut the rest of the goals.
For example, you see that wealthy people are successful you should also be wealthy. It means this isn’t your own life purpose. But the real motive behind this aim is the people who are considered as successful. It’s possible that wealth could not satisfy your inner.
So you cut down such unnecessary dreams.
Let’s go for another example, maybe that will help you find your real-life goal.
Someone had a list of dreams as:
Billions of dollars.
A luxurious lifestyle.
Peaceful life.
It’s clear that someone wants to collect a lot of money just because to live a peaceful life.
It’s obvious that the actual dream was a peaceful life but that one was struggling hard to make money.
It means that the person is not on the right track. It’s the reason that most people never find peace in their lives. Because they don’t go on the track which can make them happy, peaceful and successful.
Now you’re in a better position to decide what exactly you want from your life and what are just distractions that will not let you feel complete in your life.
Step #3: Make a list of your expertise and talents.
You should figure out all the talents you have.
For example, if your life goal is to become a good writer. You will now mention that are you already writing articles or stories.
Because if you’re not already writing, it means this goal can be an inspiration and you can’t decide whether exactly you want to do it in your life or not.
It’s possible that you have met some best-selling authors or successful writers and you were inspired.
If this is so then it’s not necessary that you can fulfill your emptiness being a writer.
With this list, you will definitely be able to decide what exactly you should do to feel fulfilled and get rid of that emptiness.
This list will show what things you have done a lot, what you have done the least and which of them proved very pleasing for you.
For example, you’re confused to make a choice between a job and a business.
The list of your talents will make the choice easy. If you’re good at managing and planning, business suits you.
Otherwise, the job is better for you to display your related talents.
This list will also help you to try the dreams for which you have not applied yet.
It will make you able to decide whether it can become your life goal or not.
Step #4: Let’s test your goals and purposes.
I’m sure the list of your dreams and goals is not big now. It’s possible that you have come to know your life purpose.
Still, you should testify either you have got the right goal or not. It’s the right choice if your goals and purposes can pass a simple test.
Test your dream:
Is your goal according to the definition of life goal?
That is your struggle towards your goal is as satisfying as an achievement.
Is achieving your goal diverting?
Just for a second, be calm and stop rushing into any other matter. Because we have to look into your past and exposures to decide whether your life purpose is diverting you or not.
So now, just think and tell me how much pleasing it is finding and achieving your passion & purpose in life? How the process of achieving your life purpose is for you? Is the process of achieving purpose making you or becoming an obstacle that won’t let you succeed?
Is every moment of your journey pleasing you or you’re looking for some good time to be happy as most of the people do?
If you’re satisfied and happy all the time on the journey you have started, then definitely it’s your right life goal.
And it will change your life completely.
If you’re as passionate during the journey as at your destination, you’re going the right way.
For example, the dream of my life is to become a great story writer. And truly speaking, every new completed story pleases me more than the last one.
It certainly means I’m on the right track.
If your strive makes you tired, you’re not on the right track.
If you expect the pleasure on the other end of your struggles, it certainly has no existence.
It’s a common mistake that most people struggle hard to settle down their lives and they believe that in the end, everything will be fine.
That end never comes.
If the hurdles on the way make you overburdened, the way is not your way. Because it is not your life goal if its hurdles don’t energize you.
Final thoughts:
In a nutshell, I will insist you finding your passion & purpose in life. So that you can spend a meaningful life. Each and every moment of your life should add a step towards your destiny.
Death is the ultimate truth so why we should waste our life in pursuance of distractions? Why we should not pursue the dreams which please us all the time?
I would like you to share with me how fruitful my discussion proved for you to find the goal of your life.
Your marriage being the most important relationship should be for keeps. But this is one relationship in which both partners have to work hard to make it strong and keep it going. But not every time you’re clear how to improve your husband-wife relationship. Reconnect and strengthen your relationship by contacting counselling services Townsville and by making your marriage a priority on a daily basis. But sometimes things go wrong and get strained, but a little effort, patience and understanding are all it needs to improve husband-wife relation and your marriage too.
Communicating with each other:
Don’t take your spouse for granted. Always take him/her seriously whether it is small issues or big ones. These small issues can assume large proportions if not tackled in time. If your spouse expects some particular thing from the relationship, then you should make an effort to compromise.
Spend quality time with each other. Leave all your obligations for some time and listen to each other. Just sit together discussing your day and enjoying each other’s company.
Express gratitude for little things to let your partner know that you appreciate everything he/she is doing for you.
Complement one another whether it is a new outfit or a recent haircut. When you hear that your spouse finds you attractive and desirable it is certainly going to make you happy and loved.
Be Honest and Open with each other:
Honesty is very essential in any relationship, especially between a husband and wife. Honesty and openness extend beyond than just telling the truth, it also means not withholding any information that needs to be told to your partner.
Never lie to your spouse as even a small lie can cause a lot of resentment and anger.
A husband and wife should open up to each other sharing their secret hopes, dreams and even fears if any. This will build a strong feeling of love and trust with each other.
Compromising with each other:
Compromising becomes difficult right after a heated argument when emotions are running high. Disagreements and arguments are normal but the willingness to let go should be practised in the name of compromise.
Thinking of arguments as a winning or losing game can be very dangerous for a relationship as this will make you stand against your spouse.
During a disagreement avoid using insults and accusations. Don’t hurt your partner by using ‘you’ statements and putting all the blame on him/her. Be specific in your arguments and never drag along old or unrelated issues or feelings.
Be willing to compromise and surrender if the argument turns ugly. Even if you are right there may seem to be no point in arguing unnecessarily, so it may be best to drop the issue before the matter intensifies.
Compromising always tend to improve husband-wife relations and make them strong.
Rekindle the Romance in your Relation:
Sometimes it so happens that a husband and wife get so involved in their separate lives with their jobs, children and household chores that romance gets lost somewhere in the middle without either of them realizing it.
Plan a romantic vacation even if it is for a few days without the children.
If you can’t take out long breaks from work you can do something exciting together that you used to do like going swimming or sailing together on weekends.
Make eye contact while talking to your spouse and at times get a little flirty by using romantic body language that will surely charm your partner.
Ensure that there is always time for intimacy however busy you both are or even if you have been married for some time. Intimacy can do wonders for a marriage and can bring the spark back in your relationship.
A light hug or a kiss can show that you still love each other will and will go a long way in improving husband-wife relation.
Going for Counseling or to a Therapist:
Counselling or therapy is certainly not only for couples on the verge of divorce. In fact, there is no stigma attached in going to see a therapist. You can go for counselling at any stage of your relationship and you can be sure of sorting out your problems. You can contact me to help you make your relationship stronger in your current situation.
Husband-Wife relation is just like two sides of a coin. They just cannot live without each other but it often becomes difficult to face each other due to misunderstandings or problems.
The most important point to be remembered is to never take each other for granted and keep praising or complementing each other.
So what do you do to improve your husband-wife relationship? If you know some other practical tips to improve your relationship then please leave a comment below with your suggestions.
Some moments of our life become a lesson for us. We all face many life-changing moments or accidents in life. But the victorious is one who learns some lessons from these incidents.
It is reality that bad experiences are more precious in our life. Because we learn a lot from adversities. Birds learn to fly more effectively in opposing winds.
I myself, love the people who learned a lot from their failures before they have got an ultimate success.
That’s why I always try to discover the hidden lessons from common incidents of my life. I have suffered and experienced a lot of things in my life; some bad exposures and some positive vibes.
And hence there are some lessons that I learned from bad experiences of my life. Some of these lessons changed up my life upto 180 degrees.
As the people who have already read any of my articles on my blog has a great acquaintance that I have an aim to change the lives of the people who even don’t know what they want to do in their lives or what exactly they should do in their lives.
So here I am going to share these life-changing lessons so that you may take good decisions in your life.
Lesson #1: Nothing is permanent so don’t engage too much.
It’s one of the most important lessons that I learned from bad experiences of my life.
Nothing is permanent.
Joyful moments or the pathetic moments finally come to an end. Your hatred, your loves, your affiliations, your expectations, your emotions; every thing diminishes with the passage of time.
The dreams may become your passions at a moment and the very few moments later may become a futile image in your view.
Similarly whatever you’re doing isn’t permanent, your life won’t be the same for the next 5 or 10 years.
So I have learned that we should not give more than necessary value to anything; not even in relationships.
We usually see that most of the young people get involved in relationships and on breakup they think it’s an end of their lives.
And it never remains the same.
We notice that some people due to temporary attachments or losses get too much emotional.
For example, on a failure or temporary benefits, especially the youth destroy their relationships with their most precious friends; and for that, they regret later.
So always keep in mind that nothing could be permanent and decide your matters with a mind free from momentary emotions.
Lesson #2: Nothing is impossible so never quit trying.
This is the other lesson that I learned from bad experiences of my life that nothing is impossible. The only thing that is impossible for you is just an illusion of your mind.
For example, what do you believe is impossible for you? I mean to say what you think you can’t do?
Find out either that is already done or not? If someone else has already done it, it means there is at least one possible way by which you can achieve that goal.
So, it’s not actually impossible.
Tony Robbins says that it’s the story you tell to yourself that can stop you from achieving anything. For example, if you keep telling yourself that you can’t achieve your goal, you won’t because you’re telling yourself a story that you can’t do.
So always work on your plans hopefully and never ignore the possibilities.
Lesson #3: Everything has a replacement so don’t overestimate yourself.
All of us, overestimate ourselves in at least some matters.
For example, you can think you’re the best general manager of your company and you’re running the company. You can think you’re the best in skill and no one can compete you. You can think as you’re running your family so without you they can’t survive.
All of these are common examples when we overestimate ourselves.
My Boss convinced me that his institution will not be destroyed without me. So I never think like this.
The lesson changed my life and so it can yours.
While taking decisions about any matter you should never overestimate yourself and it will help you make good decisions.
Even any relationship, any ideal or any philosophy ___ nothing is the last.
An alternative is always there.
So while planning for your success, never think that the available conditions are final. Alternatives should be kept in mind. They help to prepare a plan B instantly.
Lesson #4: The less we perform; the more we are worried.
I have learned that most of the time, people are worried just because they don’t want to take actions.
The research can assist my lesson that 90 per cent of the people who have goals can’t achieve their goals because they don’t take actions.
It’s a common issue in routine life as well.
If you analyse yourself then you can realise that you’re only worried when you yourself don’t want to work on the matter.
Just think for a while, about any matter you have been worried about; did you think to make a plan to solve the issue?
For most of the times, I don’t think so. So whenever you are prepared to think about any matter and take actions it means you won’t worry because you will be hopeful that somehow you will solve the issue. But you remain passive if you are continuously worrying about side effects.
Keep in mind that being worried never gives the solution. Action gets the problems solved.
Final thoughts:
We all are humans so we all have exposures of our lives.
No matter good or bad, every experiences try to teach us a lesson. I have shared the top 4 lessons which I have learnt from my life.
Gladly want to know what are the lessons that you have learned from your life?
Well, here are the top 71 funny quotes Mark Twain.
1.
Funny quotes by Mark Twain Image #1
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.
— Mark Twain
2.
Funny quotes by Mark Twain Image #2
Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
― Mark Twain
3.
Funny quotes by Mark Twain Image #3
Classic’ – a book which people praise and don’t read.
— Mark Twain
4.
Funny quotes by Mark Twain Image #4
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
― Mark Twain
5.
Funny quotes by Mark Twain Image #5
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying approved of it.
— Mark Twain
6.
Funny quotes by Mark Twain Image #6
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.
― Mark Twain
7.
Funny quotes by Mark Twain Image #7
There is nothing so annoying as to have two people go right on talking when you’re interrupting.
— Mark Twain
8.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
― Mark Twain
9.
God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
— Mark Twain
10.
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir…mighty scarce.
― Mark Twain
11.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
— Mark Twain
12.
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
― Mark Twain
13.
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
— Mark Twain
14.
I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
― Mark Twain
15.
I once heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would rather decline two drinks than one German adjective.
— Mark Twain
16.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
― Mark Twain
17.
Whenever a copyright law is to be made or altered, then the idiots assemble.
— Mark Twain
18.
The easy confidence with which I know another man’s religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
― Mark Twain
19.
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
— Mark Twain
20.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
― Mark Twain
21.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
— Mark Twain
22.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
― Mark Twain
23.
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
— Mark Twain
24.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
— Mark Twain
25.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
― Mark Twain
26.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
— Mark Twain
27.
I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.
― Mark Twain
28.
If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
— Mark Twain
29.
April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
― Mark Twain
30.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.
— Mark Twain
31.
I have found out that there ain’t a no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
― Mark Twain
32.
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well.
― Mark Twain
33.
I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!
― Mark Twain
34.
The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
― Mark Twain
35.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
― Mark Twain
36.
Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
― Mark Twain
37.
There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man’s notion that he is less savage than the other savages.”
― Mark Twain
38.
It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt.
― Mark Twain
39.
If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian.
― Mark Twain
40.
In the first place, God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.
― Mark Twain
41.
What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
― Mark Twain
42.
A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.
― Mark Twain
43.
The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
― Mark Twain
44.
When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.
― Mark Twain
45.
Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.
― Mark Twain
46.
The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.
― Mark Twain
47.
Familiarity breeds contempt and children.
― Mark Twain
48.
It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.
― Mark Twain
49.
Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.
― Mark Twain
50.
The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in heaven.
― Mark Twain
51.
I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.
― Mark Twain
52.
I can last two months on a good compliment.
― Mark Twain
53.
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
― Mark Twain
54.
Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end, you kill it.
― Mark Twain
55.
The man was made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.
― Mark Twain
56.
If we would learn what the human race really is at the bottom, we need only observe it in election times.
― Mark Twain
57.
The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.
― Mark Twain
58.
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
― Mark Twain
59.
I do not like work even when someone else is doing it.
― Mark Twain
60.
I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying ‘flee at once – all is discovered.’ They all left town immediately.
― Mark Twain
61.
Humor is tragedy plus time.
― Mark Twain
62.
Every time I read ‘Pride and Prejudice’ I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.
― Mark Twain
63.
Man – a figment of God’s imagination. ― Mark Twain
64.
An honest politician is an oxymoron.
― Mark Twain
65.
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.
― Mark Twain
66.
Humor is a great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
― Mark Twain
67.
New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
― Mark Twain
68.
In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, one when he was a boy and one when he was a man.
― Mark Twain
69.
I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.
― Mark Twain
70.
Having faith is believing in something you just know ain’t true.
― Mark Twain
71.
Of course, no man is entirely in his right mind at any time.”
― Mark Twain
If you enjoyed these funny quotes by Mark Twain then please share the post to appreciate us. And if you’re looking for more then find out this best collection of funny quotes with laughable images.
For funny quotes lovers, we categorized some other lists of funniest quotes by famous celebrities that will make your day! (Believe it or not but all these efforts are for you).
As we gathered a huge list of funny quotations so divided those in two categories.
Random Picks
Categorised by famous authors
So you can read hilarious sayings either in random picks or categorised by famous celebrities.Jump toshow
Funny quotes – Random picks
First of all, we have short funny quotes about life and sayings, because short funny quotes about life and hilarious sayings are the ones that can easily be told and shared with friends anywhere.
1.
funny quotes image #2
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
– John F. Kennedy
2.
funny quotes image #3
The road to success is always under construction.
– Lily Tomlin
3.
All men are equal before fish.
– Herbert Hoover
4.
5.
I’m in shape. Round is a shape.
– George Carlin
6.
If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
– George Carlin
7.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
– Erma Bombeck
8.
If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?
– Cynthia Heimel
9.
He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.
– Charles de Gaulle
10.
My favourite machine at the gym is the vending machine.
– Caroline Rhea
11.
If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
– Jerry Seinfeld
13.
If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
– Lawrence Ferlinghetti
14.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
– Will Rogers
15.
I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist
– Gena Showalter
16.
Don’t gobblefunk around with words.
– Roald Dahl
17.
A penny saved is a penny earned.
– Benjamin Franklin
18.
The funniest people are the saddest ones.
– Confucius
19.
Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?
– John Barrymore
The following are amazing funniest quotes by famous authors.
Tired of scrolling down? Then here is a video of funny quotes to make you feel great anytime.
This great collection of funny quotes will surely make you laugh.
Well, if you want to copy funniest sayings here is the collection.
20.
If you like Mark Twain then you must read the top 71 funny quotes by Mark Twain.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
– Mark Twain
21.
I came from a real tough neighbourhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.
– Rodney Dangerfield
22.
That’s why they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
– George Carlin
23.
A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.
– Bill Cosby
24.
Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise, they won’t come to yours.
– Yogi Berra
25.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
– Mark Twain
26.
She’s strong! And scary…I bet she’s single…I’d put money on it.
– Masashi Kishimoto
27.
Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.
– James Thurber
28.
Puns are the highest form of literature.
– Alfred Hitchcock
29.
I’d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort.
– J. Paul Getty
30.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.
– Isaac Asimov
31.
Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!
– Hergé
32.
The funniest people are the saddest ones.
– Confucius
33.
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
– Helen Rowland
34.
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
– Harlan Ellison
35.
If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.
– Billy Wilder
Funny quotes – Categorised by famous celebrities & authors
Here is the collection of the most popular short funny sayings and hilarious quotes about life by famous people. The hilarious phrases will make you laugh and I’m sure you won’t stop laughing. If you love these laughable quotes with eye-catching pictures then don’t forget to share with the people you want to make them laugh.
1.
Short funny sayings image #1
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
― George Carlin
2.
Short funny sayings image #2
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
― Phyllis Diller
Cool funny quotes by the comedian Ellen DeGeneres
Ellen Lee DeGeneres is a versatile, lady. She is an American comedian, writer, television host, actress and producer.
That’s why you must believe that these quotations are gonna make your day.
1.
Short funny sayings image #3
Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.
― Ellen DeGeneres
2.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.
― Ellen DeGeneres
3.
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
― Ellen DeGeneres
4.
You know, it’s hard work to write a book. I can’t tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.
― Ellen DeGeneres
5.
If you want to test cosmetics, why do it on some poor animal who hasn’t done anything? They should use prisoners who have been convicted of murder or rape instead. So, rather than seeing if perfume irritates a bunny rabbit’s eyes, they should throw it in Charles Manson’s eyes and ask him if it hurts.
― Ellen DeGeneres
6.
Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.
― Ellen DeGeneres
7.
Have you ever heard somebody sing some lyrics that you’ve never sung before, and you realize you’ve never sung the right words in that song? You hear them and all of a sudden you say to yourself, ‘Life in the Fast Lane?’ That’s what they’re saying right there? You think, ‘why have I been singing ‘wipe in the vaseline?’ how many people have heard me sing ‘wipe in the vaseline?’ I am an idiot.
― Ellen DeGeneres
8.
My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.
― Ellen DeGeneres
9.
I’m a godmother, that’s a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that’s cute, I taught her that.
― Ellen DeGeneres
10.
You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that’s how it’s spelled.
― Ellen DeGeneres
11.
Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.
― Ellen DeGeneres
12.
Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.
― Ellen DeGeneres
13.
People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.
― Ellen DeGeneres
14.
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
― Ellen DeGeneres
15.
I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happy with buns of cinnamon.
― Ellen DeGeneres
16.
I’m so unfamiliar with the gym, I call it James!
― Ellen DeGeneres
17.
I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush.
― Ellen DeGeneres
18.
I wonder what will happen if I put hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?
― Ellen DeGeneres
19.
Take a nap in a fireplace and you’ll sleep like a log.
― Ellen DeGeneres
20.
Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn’t enough. You also have to move the chair.
― Ellen DeGeneres
21.
One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.
― Ellen DeGeneres
22.
When life gives you lemons….they could really be oranges.
― Ellen DeGeneres
23.
Now,I’m no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They’re tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain,you hear what they’re saying and that boosts your health and happiness. “Knock Knock… Who’s There?.. Little endorphin… Little endorphin who?… Little Endorphin Annie.” And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science.
― Ellen DeGeneres
24.
Answers to Frequently Asked Questions: Yes. Yes. No. One time in high school. Three times in my twenties. Rocks no salt. Yes. Four. Never. And how dare you! I will take no further questions.
― Ellen DeGeneres
25.
Haiku sounds like I’m Saying hi to someone named Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello.
― Ellen DeGeneres
6 Hilarious quotations by Golda Meir
Golda Meir was a teacher, politician and 4th prime minister of Israel. So the quotations are accordingly.
1.
Short funny sayings image #4
Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.
― Golda Meir
2.
Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil!
― Golda Meir
3.
My dear, old age is like an airplane flying in a storm. Once you’re in it there’s nothing you can do. You can’t stop a plane, you can’t stop a storm, you can’t stop time. So you might as well take it easy, with wisdom.
― Golda Meir
4.
A story once went the rounds of Israel to the effect that Ben-Gurion described me as ‘the only man’ in his cabinet. What amused me about is that he (or whoever invented the story) thought that this was the greatest compliment that could be paid to a woman. I very much doubt that any man would have been flattered if I had said about him that he was the only woman in the government!
― Golda Meir
5.
Fashion is an imposition, a rein on freedom. ― Golda Meir
6.
I don’t know why you use a fancy French word like détente when there’s a good English phrase for it — cold war.
― Golda Meir
Sweet funny quotes by Lauren Myracle
These funny quotes might not make you laugh hard but these are really meaningful and lovely.
So it’s a great choice for all those who are introvert. You can call these as introvert hilarious sayings.
1.
Short funny sayings image #5
I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.
― Lauren Myracle
2.
You should eat a waffle! You can’t be sad if you eat a waffle!
― Lauren Myracle
3.
They’re not chicks. They’re ducks.
― Lauren Myracle
4.
I didn’t like being alone. Being alone was slightly better than having to deal with people, that’s all. Or so I’d convinced myself.
― Lauren Myracle
5.
Hello toes,” I say. They’re good toes. I like that they’re long and slender and not the slightest bit stubby. I wiggle them, ten unstubby waves that say, “And hello to you, Human Host!” Except they’re toes. I’m talking to my toes. Maybe I’m not bored… maybe I’m lonely?
― Lauren Myracle
6.
…your ass is grass…
― Lauren Myracle
7.
And they all have pretty children, And the children go to school, And the children to go summer camp, And then to the university, Where they are put in boxes And they come out all the same. – Malvina Reynolds
― Lauren Myracle
8.
I was just teasing,” I say. “I myself don’t like to eat plain butter, but hey, it’s a free world.”
― Lauren Myracle
9.
If you sense that someone feels disconnected, reach out to them,” the speaker urges. “buy them a soda. Compliment their new hairdo. It’ll make them feel better, and you’ll feel better knowing you’ve been a channel of grace.” Jolene leans over and whispers, “My pen is feeling disconnected. Will you be a channel of grave and get it for me?”
― Lauren Myracle
10.
Yes, that man acted ugly,” she told us in plain English. “But throwing more ugliness back at him ain’t the answer.
― Lauren Myracle
11.
Because it’s good for nothing,” I said. keeping my eyes on Tommy. “Because one worthless piece of shit deserves another.”
― Lauren Myracle
12.
The world was out there waiting to be explored—and not just waiting, but wanting to be explored. So why in heaven’s name shouldn’t I investigate every nook and cranny?
― Lauren Myracle
13.
Curse false-hand-holding boys!
― Lauren Myracle
14.
I’d heard a saying about meth, that it took you down one of three roads: jail, the psych ward, or death.
― Lauren Myracle
15.
“hi, puppy.” she’s not a puppy. She’s a girl,” Nancy’s mother says. Nancy pats me and says, “Good puppy. Nice puppy.” When he mother bends down to pull her away, she wraps both arms around my legs and wails. “No! My puppy!”
― Lauren Myracle
16.
They follow meaningless, boring rules and live meaningless, boring lives.” Ahh,” I say. “Except for you, of course.” That’s right.” Because you eat butter straight from the pan.” She arches her eyebrows, like Hey, I call it like I see it. Whatever,” I say. “I’m not going to eat Snoopy just to make a statement.”
― Lauren Myracle
17.
He wouldn’t have seen the wolf in redneck clothing. ― Lauren Myracle
18.
Wally was worse than any fairy-tale witch, and his trailer wasn’t made of candy.
― Lauren Myracle
19.
Who would want to be poked by some dumb girl with a stick?
― Lauren Myracle
14 Funny quotes by Jess C. Scott
If you’re looking for funny quotes about life lessons then these hilarious sayings by Jess C. Scott are the most suitable ones for you.
1.
Short funny sayings image #6
2.
A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement.
― Jess C Scott
3.
Short funny sayings image #7
I felt like an animal, and animals don’t know sin, do they?
― Jess C. Scott
4.
This is damn hilarious about people in love.
I envy people that know love. That has someone who takes them as they are. ― Jess C Scott
5.
I don’t know if this is really hilarious or not, but, I wanted you to read this.
V-Day…if you need this one day in a year to show everyone else you truly care for “your loved one” I think it’s quite stupid. I hate this commercialism. It’s all artificial and has nothing to do with real love. ― Jess C Scott
6.
Are you serious man? LOL
What’s the whole point of being pretty on the outside when you’re so ugly on the inside?
― Jess C. Scott
7.
The following two are for those who love funny quotes about sex.
Maybe you could be mine / or maybe we’ll be entwined / aimless in this sexless foreplay.
― Jess C Scott
8.
Please, touch me, I pray.
― Jess C Scott
9.
People are sheep. TV is the shepherd.
― Jess C. Scott
10.
You may be married to a star, but that doesn’t mean they’ll treat you like one.
― Jess C. Scott
11.
I was flipping channels, watching this cheerleading program on MTV. They took a field hockey girl and “transformed” her into a cheerleader by the end of the show. I was just wondering: what if she liked field hockey better?
― Jess C Scott
12.
It’s weird, marriage. It’s like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their ‘other half.
― Jess C. Scott
13.
Well, for those understand music.
[novan]: bassists are very good with their fingers [novan]: and some of us sing backup vocals, so that means we’re good with our mouths too…
― Jess C Scott
14.
Anya looked upon Nin admirably. Having him as a partner-in-crime—if only on this one occasion, which she hoped would only be the start of something more—was more revitalizing than the cheap thrills of a cookie-cutter shallow, superficial romance, where the top priority was how beautiful a person was on the outside.
― Jess C Scott
32 Bill Watterson’s Amazing funny quotes
I don’t know who you are and what you do, but, I am damn sure if you want to make laugh loud or make some laugh then these funny quotes are enough!
Believe me, these are my favorite ones.
If you’re sad, in love, in a relationship or whatever you do, and you need damn hilarious sayings then I’m damn sure you won’t go anywhere.
When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.
― Bill Watterson
2.
Reality continues to ruin my life.
― Bill Watterson
3.
It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.
― Bill Watterson
4.
Sometimes when I’m talking, my words can’t keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.
― Bill Watterson
5.
I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.
― Bill Watterson
6.
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
― Bill Watterson
7.
You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood. What mood is that? Last-minute panic.
― Bill Watterson
8.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
― Bill Watterson
9.
In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
― Bill Watterson
10.
As far as I’m concerned, if something is so complicated that you can’t explain it in 10 seconds, then it’s probably not worth knowing anyway.
― Bill Watterson
11.
You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D’s in school. Well guess what, I get F’s!!!
― Bill Watterson
12.
We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.
― Bill Watterson
13.
I’m a misunderstood genius.” “What’s misunderstood?” “Nobody thinks I’m a genius.”
― Bill Watterson
14.
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said ‘I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?
― Bill Watterson
15.
I’m learning skills I will use for the rest of my life by doing homework…procrastinating and negotiation.
― Bill Waterson
16.
God put me on earth to accomplish certain things. Right now, I’m so far behind, I’ll never die.
― Bill Watterson
17.
I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient’s friends.
― Bill Watterson
18.
That’s one of the remarkable things about life. It’s never so bad that it can’t get worse.
― Bill Watterson
19.
I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can play together all night.
― Bill Watterson
20.
I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
― Bill Watterson
21.
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.
― Bill Watterson
22.
How come we play war and not peace?” “Too few role models.”
― Bill Watterson
23.
I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
― Bill Watterson
24.
Calvin: Life’s a lot more fun when you aren’t responsible for your actions.
― Bill Watterson
25.
I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.
― Bill Watterson
26.
They say the secret of success is being at the right place at the right time, but since you never know when the right time is going to be, I figure the trick is to find the right place and just hang around.
― Bill Waterson
27.
The world isn’t fair, Calvin.” “I know Dad, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favor?”
― Bill Watterson
28.
I’ve been thinking Hobbes” “On a weekend?” “Well, it wasn’t on purpose”
― Bill Watterson
29.
I try to make everyone’s day a little more surreal.
― Bill Watterson
30.
I like my smock. You can tell the quality of the artist by the quality of his smock. Actually, I just like to say smock. Smock smock smock smock smock smock.
― Bill Watterson
31.
Now what state do you live in?’ ‘Denial.
― Bill Watterson
32.
From now on, I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success…. I’m just here to cash in.
― Bill Watterson
Funny Quotes by Jerry Lewis
Although, I spend a lot of time gathering hilarious sayings by famous authors and comedians, sometimes, Google is helpless to provide us with more useful data.
So, I couldn’t get a lot.
If you have some amazing funny quotes from Jerry Lewis, then add in the comments with the source.
1.
I’ve had great success being a total idiot.
― Jerry Lewis
2.
I get paid for what most kids get punished for.
― Jerry Lewis
3.
Every man’s dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands
― Jerry Lewis
Funny Quote by Bernard Branson
Rejection is an opportunity for your selection.
― Bernard Branson
9. Hilarious quotations by Thomas Bernhard
The hilarious quotations by Thomas Bernhard are quite meaningful to learn from.
1.
Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.
― Thomas Bernhard
2.
Reading is still the most bearable of all forms of disgust.
― Thomas Bernhard
3.
But instead of thinking about my book and how to write it, as I go pacing the floor, I fall to counting my footsteps until I feel about to go mad.
― Thomas Bernhard
4.
…if that handsome fellow were a cripple he wouldn’t repel me, but he isn’t a cripple, he is that handsome fellow, so he repels me.
― Thomas Bernhard
5.
Whoever can’t laugh doesn’t deserve to be taken seriously…” ― Thomas Bernhard
6.
A body needs at least three points of support, not in a straight line, to fix its position, so Roithamer had written.
– Thomas Bernhard
7.
When we meet the very best, we have to give up, I thought.
– Thomas Bernhard
8.
For a long time we see only one side of a person’s personality, because for reasons of self-preservation we do not wish to see any other, I thought, then suddenly we see all sides of their personality and are disgusted by them, I thought.
– Thomas Bernhard
9.
Incredible how rapidly the best relationship, if it is stressed beyond its capacity, wears thin and finally exhausts itself.
– Thomas Bernhard
21 Funny things by Richelle Mead
Richelle Mead is a famous American author. She is the best selling author of Vampire Academy and Bloodlines. Her hilarious quotations are meaningful and have deep lessons.
1.
She says you’re not awake until you’re actually out of bed and standing up.
― Richelle Mead
2.
Ah, my daughter,ʺ he said. ʺEighteen and already youʹve been accused of murder, aided felons, and acquired a death count higher than most guardians will ever see.ʺ He paused. ʺI couldnʹt be prouder.
― Richelle Mead
3.
What’s up?” I asked.
You tell me,” he said. “You were the one about ready to start making out with Adrian.”
It was an experiment,” I said. “It was part of my therapy.”
What the hell kind of therapy are you in?
― Richelle Mead
4.
Only a true best friend can protect you from your immortal enemies.
― Richelle Mead
5.
Takes a lot of tries before you hit perfection.” He paused to reconsider that. “Well, except for my parents. They got it on the first try.” (Adrian)
― Richelle Mead, Bloodlines
6.
You…you got rid of that dress fast,” I pointed out between heavy breaths. “I thought you liked it.” “I do like it,” he said. His breathing was as heavy as mine. “I love it.” And then he took me to the bed.
― Richelle Mead
7.
Okay, God, I thought. Get me out of this and I’ll stop my half-assed church-going ways. You got me past a pack of Strigoi tonight. I mean, trapping that one between the doors really shouldn’t have worked, so clearly you’re on board. Let me get out of here, and I’ll…I don’t know. Donate Adrian’s money to the poor. Get baptized. Join a convent. Well, no. Not that last one.
― Richelle Mead, Blood Promise
8.
It’s okay,” I said soothingly. “You’re just getting your stride back. Once you’re up to full power, I’ll go crack a rib or something so we can test it.” She groaned. “The horrible part is that I don’t think you’re joking.
― Richelle Mead
9.
Relax, having kids is years away. But can you imagine? Your brains, my charm, our collective good looks… then add in the usual physical abilities dhampirs get.
It’s really not even fair to everyone else.
― Richelle Mead
10.
A gun. I had been brought down by a gun. It was practically comical. Cheaters, I thought.
― Richelle Mead
11.
Are you sleepwalking?’ A voice asked behind me. “I was testing dorm security,” I said. “It sucks.
― Richelle Mead
12.
I wasn’t fooled. He was avoiding looking at me. “There’s nothing to talk about.” “I knew you’d say that. Actually, it was a toss-up between that and ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’” Dimitri sighed.
― Richelle Mead
13.
Do not do that again,” he said stiffly. “Don’t kiss me back then,” I retorted. He stared at me for what seemed like forever. “I don’t give ‘Zen lessons’ to hear myself talk. I don’t give them because you’re another student. I’m doing this to teach you control.” “You’re doing a great job,” I said bitterly.
― Richelle Mead
14.
Piece of Heaven?”
“No, that other place I’m going to go to for thinking what I’m thinking.
― Richelle Mead
15.
Sex had been amazing, but it wasn’t a magical cure for everything. Damn. Somewhere along the way, I’d picked up common sense.
― Richelle Mead
16.
Screw you,” I told him in a low voice. “Are you offering?” “From what I’ve heard, there isn’t much to screw,” I shot back.
― Richelle Mead
17.
You look too pretty to be useful.”
“Truer words were never spoken.
― Richelle Mead
18.
You’re in an awfully good mood,” he observed. “Was there a sale at Khakis-R-Us?
― Richelle Mead
19.
I realized I’m in love. It’s always been right in front of me.
― Richelle Mead
20.
My cigarettes and I are going outside. At least they show me respect.
― Richelle Mead
21.
Do you love him?
There were only a few people in the world who could ask me such insanely personal questions without getting punched. Dimitri was one of them.
― Richelle Mead
Top 17 Groucho Marx funny quotes
Are you looking for top Groucho Marx funny quotes? Then the following the best ones among all of Groucho Marx funny quotes.
1.
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
― Groucho Marx
2.
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
― Groucho Marx
3.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
― Groucho Marx
4.
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
― Groucho Marx
5.
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
― Groucho Marx
6.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
― Groucho Marx
7.
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
― Groucho Marx
8.
Humor is reason gone mad.
― Groucho Marx
9.
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
― Groucho Marx
10.
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well I have others.
― Groucho Marx
11.
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
― Groucho Marx
12.
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
― Groucho Marx
13.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
― Groucho Marx
14.
I have nothing but respect for you — and not much of that.
― Groucho Marx
15.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
― Groucho Marx
16.
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
― Groucho Marx
17.
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
― Groucho Marx
18.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
– Groucho Marx
19. Meaningful Funny things By Bret Easton Ellis
Bret E. Ellis is a fiction writer, screenwriter and director. The following funny quotes by famous celebrity will make your day.
1.
If you love listening to audiotapes (as I most) then you can surely understand this funny saying well.
I have to return some videotapes.
― Bret Easton Ellis
2.
I only had sex with her because I’m in love with you.
― Bret Easton Ellis
3.
We buy balloons, we let them go.
― Bret Easton Ellis
4.
The greed is good. Sex is easy. Youth is forever.
― Bret Easton Ellis
5.
…if you’re alone nothing bad can happen to you.
― Bret Easton Ellis
6.
Scientists peered into data and concluded that we should all be worried.
― Bret Easton Ellis
7.
There is no time for the innocent.
― Bret Easton Ellis
8.
You can’t get dyslexia from pussy.
― Bret Easton Ellis
9.
I don’t know why I write what I write.
― Bret Easton Ellis
10.
All it comes down to is this: I feel like shit but look great.
― Bret Easton Ellis
11.
No one ever likes the right person.
― Bret Easton Ellis
12.
I laugh maniacally, then take a deep breath and touch my chest- expecting a heart to be thumping quickly, impatiently, but there’s nothing there, not even a beat.
― Bret Easton Ellis
13.
There’s no use in denying it: this has been a bad week. I’ve started drinking my own urine.
― Bret Easton Ellis
14.
When the going gets tough, the tough go drinking.”
― Bret Easton Ellis
15.
It strikes me profoundly that the world is more often than not a bad and cruel place.
― Bret Easton Ellis
16.
My pain is constant and sharp…this confession has meant nothing
― Bret Easton Ellis
17.
Life is like a typographical error: we’re constantly writing and rewriting things over each other.
― Bret Easton Ellis
18.
I feel I’m moving toward as well as away from something, and anything is possible.
― Bret Easton Ellis
19.
Why not? Give me one good reason why we shouldn’t get married.” Because trying to fuck you is like trying to french-kiss a very…. small and… lively gerbil? With braces?
― Bret Easton Ellis
10 Most hilarious quotations by Abraham Lincoln
When you want to get relaxed, you can’t forget the hilarious sayings of Abraham Lincoln. The following are the best short funny quotes about life by Abraham Lincoln.
1.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
– Abraham Lincoln
2.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
– Abraham Lincoln
3.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
– Abraham Lincoln
4.
Avoid popularity if you would have peace.
– Abraham Lincoln
5.
Tact: the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
– Abraham Lincoln
6.
It is not best to swap horses while crossing the river.
– Abraham Lincoln
7.
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
– Abraham Lincoln
8.
We trust, sir, that God is on our side. It is more important to know that we are on God’s side.
– Abraham Lincoln
9.
You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was.
– Abraham Lincoln
10.
Avoid popularity if you would have peace.
– Abraham Lincoln
13 funny quotations by Albert Einstien
Albert Einstien has been a decent person. So his funny quotations are also decent. But these short funny quotes about life are really hilarious. Aren’t these?
1.
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
– Albert Einstein
2.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
– Albert Einstein
3.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.
― Albert Einstein
4.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
― Albert Einstein
5.
Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.
― Albert Einstein
6.
Creativity is intelligence having fun.
― Albert Einstein
7.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
― Albert Einstein
8.
Everything must be made as simple as possible. But not simpler.
― Albert Einstein
9.
Student: Dr. Einstein, Aren’t these the same questions as last year’s [physics] final exam?
Dr. Einstein: Yes; But this year the answers are different.
― Albert Einstein
10.
It is harder to crack prejudice than an atom.
― Albert Einstein
11.
An empty stomach is not a good political adviser.
― Albert Einstein
12.
When we first got married, we made a pact. It was this: In our life together, it was decided I would make all of the big decisions and my wife would make all of the little decisions. For fifty years, we have held true to that agreement. I believe that is the reason for the success in our marriage. However, the strange thing is that in fifty years, there hasn’t been one big decision.
― Albert Einstein
13.
I think 99 times and find nothing. I stop thinking, swim in silence, and the truth comes to me.
― Albert Einstein
Top 13 inspirational funny quotations by Benjamin Franklin
Although the following quotes by Benjamin Franklin have some deep emotions, luckily these can make you laugh. Especially you might like the short funny quotes about friends and wife.
1.
Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.
– Benjamin Franklin
2.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
– Benjamin Franklin
3.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
― Benjamin Franklin
4.
I didn’t fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
― Benjamin Franklin
5.
He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
― Benjamin Franklin
6.
In the Affairs of this World Men are saved, not by Faith, but by the Lack of it.
― Ben Franklin
7.
Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances.
― Benjamin Franklin
8.
If Jack’s in love, he’s no judge of Jill’s beauty.
― Benjamin Franklin
9.
Life biggest tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.
― Benjamin Franklin
10.
To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girlfriends.
― Benjamin Franklin
11.
The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason.
― Benjamin Franklin
12.
Eat to live, don’t live to eat.
― Benjamin Franklin
13.
There are three faithful friends – an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
― Benjamin Franklin
Top 7 funniest quotations on life by Douglas Adams
If you’re curious to inspire yourself with short funny quotes about life. Then no doubt, the following funny quotations by Douglas Adams are far better than you can expect.
1.
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
– Douglas Adams
2.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.
– Douglas Adams
3.
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
– Douglas Adams
4.
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
― Douglas Adams
5.
The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
― Douglas Adams
6.
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
― Douglas Adams
7.
Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?
― Douglas Adams
Top 14 funny jokes by Emo Philips
Emo Philips funny laughable quotes will no doubt make your day. You must share if you like these short funny quotes about life.
1.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
– Emo Philips
2.
How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.
– Emo Philips
3.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
– Emo Philips
4.
I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, ‘Here, lady… take your purse.’
– Emo Philips
5.
The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence… sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
– Emo Philips
6.
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
– Emo Philips
7.
Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.
– Emo Philips
8.
My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics’ heads, where they are safe.
– Emo Philips
9.
Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: ‘A truck!’
– Emo Philips
10.
Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: ‘A truck!’
– Emo Philips
11.
You know what I hate? Indian givers… no, I take that back.
– Emo Philips
12.
I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, ‘Get off me, you two!’
– Emo Philips
13.
England is better only because I stand out there as ‘unusual’.
– Emo Philips
14.
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn’t have any, they gave you some.
– Emo Philips
Funny laughable quotes by Erma Bombeck
Looks like the following funny laughable quotes have personal exposures reflections. Isn’t it so?
The following short funny sayings by Erma will definitely change your approach to humor. Because the quotes on humor are not that much hilarious. But have some deep emotions.
1.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
– Erma Bombeck
2.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
– Erma Bombeck
3.
When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.
― Erma Bombeck
4.
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
― Erma Bombeck
5.
I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
― Erma Bombeck
6.
Housework can kill you if done right.
― Erma Bombeck
7.
Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
― Erma Bombeck
8.
When humor goes, there goes civilization.
― Erma Bombeck
9.
Written on her tombstone: “I told you I was sick.
― Erma Bombeck
10.
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
― Erma Bombeck
11.
Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter-productivity.
― Erma Bombeck
12.
When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
― Erma Bombeck
Top 11 Funny motivational quotes by George Bernard Shaw
But here in following the short funny phrases and hilarious quotes about life, you will not only be amused but you will also get some inspiration for your journey.
George Bernard Shaw has really some different opinions about patriotism and learning. You can learn and be pleased.
1.
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
– George Bernard Shaw
2.
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
– George Bernard Shaw
3.
A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
― George Bernard Shaw
4.
Animals are my friends…and I don’t eat my friends.
― George Bernard Shaw
5.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
― George Bernard Shaw
6.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.
― George Bernard Shaw
7.
The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure.
― George Bernard Shaw
8.
I’m an atheist and I thank God for it.
― George Bernard Shaw
9.
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.
― George Bernard Shaw
10.
A photographer is like a cod, which produces a million eggs in order that one may reach maturity.
― George Bernard Shaw
11.
He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.
― George Bernard Shaw
9 Short funny quotes about life by George Burns
If you’re looking for some very interesting short funny quotes on love and relationships. Then the following short funny quotes by George Burns are the most suitable ones.
1.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
– George Burns
2.
If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
– George Burns
3.
You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
– George Burns
4.
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age, I have to hold on to something.
– George Burns
5.
I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
– George Burns
6.
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
– George Burns
7.
Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.
– George Burns
8.
By the time you’re eighty years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.
– George Burns
9.
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.
– George Burns
Hopefully, you have enjoyed the funniest quotes and sayings with pictures. If so, you can at least share the short funny quotes and photos with your friends and fellows.
If you really enjoyed the choice then I recommend visiting quotes on being strong with pictures or courage quotes with pictures. And if you are looking for the more humorous quotes and sayings then you can leave a comment to tell us about which topic the funny quotes you like the most?
